


Goodbye Love

by lottielovebuzz



Category: RENT (Musical), Rent - Larson, Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Crossover, Episode: s09e03 I'm No Angel, F/M, M/M, homeless!Cas, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-28
Updated: 2013-11-28
Packaged: 2018-01-02 21:38:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1061933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lottielovebuzz/pseuds/lottielovebuzz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's kicked Cas out, and once again, he's homeless; living under bridges, starving, thirsty and lonely. Then he meets a woman who goes by the name Mimi and they realise that they're situations maybe aren't so different - after all, the only person they truly love gave up on them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye Love

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Now, there's not much to say about this. It's a Supernatural/RENT crossover. Slightly AU from both perspective as we're in recent times for RENT and around Christmas time in SPN. But yeah. I know that the Bunker is in Kansas and the Cas ends up in Idaho for "Heaven Can't Wait" but we'll just say he went the wrong way at first.

To say it's cold would definitely an understatement. Early December in New York is never just "cold"; it's freezing, bone chilling. It's enough to make his teeth clatter, his hairs stand up on end, his whole body to shake and convulse as it tries to keep him warm enough to survive.

He's whimpering and he's definitely wishing he wasn't a human anymore; despite what he said to Dean about there being many perks to being human - like having sex - he's willing to take it all back. Then again, that's when he thought he was going to be staying in the nice warm Bunker with his friends; his family.

He was willing to talk himself into all the perks there was to being human... willing to  _believe_ it if it meant spending the rest of his life with Dean and Sam. But now he realises that he was just being a fool. There was nothing good about being human and he should've known that Dean wouldn't want him; he was useless now. They didn't need him.

No-one needs him. Not that he can blame them; he tries to do good and only ends up screwing things up further. He should distance himself from anyone and everyone; stop him from ruining someone else's life once again.

Like he did with Dean's. And Sam's. And all his brothers' and sisters'.

Perhaps it would've been better if April… well, the Reaper that was possessing April, had just left him to die; told Dean to go straight to hell and that she wouldn't bring Cas back to life. Everything would've been easier and simpler then.

He definitely wouldn't be near enough freezing to death if she had just left him with an Angel blade buried in his chest.

Instead, he'd be in blissful peace up in Heaven, probably being hounded by Metatron to tell him his story; like he'd tell the bastard anything. But at least he wouldn't be crouched under a bridge, an hour or two away from freezing to death.

He manages to stop his teeth from chattering for the first time in what feels like  _years_ and that's when he hears it. A groan, and he knows for a fact that noise did not escape his mouth.

He calls out, 'Hello?', even though he knows the chance of the groaning person answering him is slim.

But surprisingly, he hears a weak reply, 'Hello?'

He's still too cold to move if he's honest but that's not the usual kind of voice he hears. He normally hears masculine voices; the majority of homeless people that he bumps into are men, but this,  _this_  is a soft female voice. So, he finds the strength to unfurl himself from around his own body and stands.

He nearly falls over the second he places all of his weight onto his feet, but he manages to remain upright by catching himself on the nearest structure.

He stumbles towards the owner of the voice, barely making out the outlines of her body. It just looks like a small black lump; anyone could've mistook her for a rock or a pile of garbage if they weren't looking out for her.

'Are you okay?' Cas asks, hesitantly leaning down until he's crouched beside her. 'What's your name?'

She raises her head when he speaks, regarding him with a worried and almost panicked expression on her face, and Cas finds himself wondering how many men have haggled and hassled her.

'They call me Mimi.' She whispers in reply, her voice weak and Cas has never heard a voice so broken and destroyed as this. And it worries him, straight down to his core, makes him panic because he doesn't want to see anyone in pain; even a stranger.

And there's yet another reason he wishes he were still an Angel, a gentle touch of two fingers could heal her of her suffering; heal her of her pain.

'Mimi? I'm C -' he thinks about lying for a split second, because that's how the last Reaper found him, because he was loudmouthed and gave away his real name and they found him. But would someone really go to this trouble to simply catch him? Angels are good, but definitely not  _this_ good; he knows that human emotions are so hard to fake. He clears his throat. 'I'm Castiel.'

She nods her head, a small cough breaking free from her lips and Cas thinks that she's maybe trying to give a chuckle.

'Weird name. I like it.' She gives him a smile and it's all teeth, plump yet cracked lips stretching out over her stained teeth and despite himself, despite the bone chilling coldness that he's experiencing, he gives her a hesitant smile in return.

He waits a moment, watches as her smile falls off her face and he feels his do the same in return. He sniffs and he reaches up to rub a hand under his noise, wiping away some runny snot from the cold.

Has he mentioned how much he hates being human?

He reaches into his pocket and digs out a small chocolate bar that he stole from a convenience store just after Dean kicked him out of the Bunker. He's not entirely sure how long it's been since then; he tries not to count days because he tries not to think about the fact that Dean actually threw him out of what he was quite ready to call home.

'Are you hungry? I can half this with you.' He declares as he holds it out for her to see what it is. Mimi examines it, before she looks back up to Cas with narrowed eyes.

'Look, I may be on the streets but I ain't cheap. If you're doing this for sex, you should know, I have…  _had_ someone.' She trails off dejectedly and Cas swallows hard for her. He bites his lip as he opens the chocolate bar and breaks it in half. After a small moment, he extends his hand with one half towards her.

'I'm doing it to help you, Mimi. I don't want anything in return.' He declares and when she meets his eyes, she sees nothing but openness and honesty in his eyes; it shocks her, she's not used to seeing someone - especially a  _man_ \- look at her like they're afraid she's going to vanish. And this man is a complete stranger to boot. 'I promise.'

She believes his promise, finding it hard not to trust those startling blue eyes and with a shaking hand, she reaches out and takes the bar of chocolate from his hand.

'What's their name? The person you have, had?' Cas tries as he falls back onto his backside, getting comfier instead of crouching. His legs are getting sore from being permanently bent and he groans in relief when he's able to stretch them out. But he curls them in a moment later, the cold air seeping through his jeans and cutting him to the bone.

'Roger. His name is Roger.' She mutters in reply as she takes a bite from the chocolate bar. He's starting to feel regret about giving away half of it, especially when his stomach is churning and groaning like this, but when he sees the smile on her face, the soft moan of approval at having food in her stomach; chocolate melting on her tongue, he decides he's just being stupid and irrational.

'Do you know why he left? Everyone leaves for a reason; I  _think_  they do anyway.' He asks and he doesn't know if this is getting too personal, but right now, at this very moment, they're all each other has. Sure, she probably wants this Roger and Cas... well, he'd much rather have Dean, but they're not going to get their wish any time soon, might as well get used to their lot in life, right?

'He...' she trails off after she swallows, and Cas can see her mind working in overdrive. He can see her wondering whether to trust Cas and if she's going to trust him, what should she tell him? 'He left me, moved to Santa Fe, 'cause I'm running out of time. He didn't want to watch me die.'

'We're all going to die, Mimi.'

She laughs though it quickly turns into a coughing fit, 'I've got HIV, Cas, I can't see me making it to New Years.'

It's strange, looking at someone and not knowing everything about them; there was a time when he could've just gazed at her and would've know she had HIV; would've known exactly how long she had left. He could have offered her assurance and told her that she had more than enough time left; that she will zee the New Years. Or, he could have consoled her and in the end, could've healed her if he really wanted to.

And just staring at her now, studying her, if he had the ability, he would've healed her in an instant. She deserved the chance to be with the man that she loved; some people... some people aren't as lucky and he knows that all too well.

'You lost someone too.' Mimi says after a while and when his eyes refocus, coming out of his head and away from his thoughts, he realises that she's finished her half of the chocolate bar. And he hasn't even started his. So, that's why he hands it over to her, because he can steal more food, can pick more up, she looks like she needs it more and with the new knowledge, he  _knows_  she needs it more.

She takes it without any hesitation, realising that he obviously wants her to have it otherwise he wouldn't have given it away.

'What's her name?' She prods and he clears her throat, turning away from her for a second, but then he sees her smile from the corner of his eye and he needs to look back. ' _His_  name? You can tell me, Castiel, I don't judge; my best friend is... was... a cross dressing gay man with AIDs who went by the name Angel. Every single label that would have someone running and he was the best person I ever knew.'

Cas tilts her head at her for a moment and studies her, wondering if she's mocking him, but there's an openness and honesty there, hidden deep behind the vulnerability, but it's definitely there.

'You can tell me, Castiel, you look like you need someone to talk to.'

'His name is Dean; he's my friend -'

'Only a friend?' Mimi grins and despite the freezing cold wind that was cutting through to his bones, he can feel the blood rushing to his face, warming him up with a nice pink shade.

'He threw me out. I let him down too much, I wasn't useful anymore.' He declares and he looks down to his hands, curling his fingers into his palms before crossing his arms over his chest and tucking his hands under his armpits.

They fall silent then, Cas' harsh panting and Mimi's chittering teeth the only sound that can be heard over the loud howling of the wind, and after a brief moment of hesitation, he moves closer to Mimi. Not exactly touching her, but moving just that bit further into her personal space in order to keep both him and her warm.

'Is this okay?' He questions because the last thing he wants is to make her feel uncomfortable, but she simply nods her head, moving that bit closer so they're pressed together, shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip, leg to leg. They're both freezing cold, but somehow, they share the limited warmth they have.

'What was the last thing you said to him?' Castiel questions after a minute or hour, he's not exactly sure how long that silence lasted for, but he doesn't care. Silence is good sometimes, lets him think over things, decisions, but his mind was taking him back over the things Dean said to him as he explained why he couldn't stay and he couldn't stand that anymore.

And it's not like the question hadn't been annoying him since he heard Roger just ran away to Santa Fe instead of staying with her.

'"Goodbye love".' Mimi replies and he clears his throat as he turns his head away from her; he should've expected an answer like that. He also should've expected her question, 'And you?'

He doesn't know why it takes so long before he manages to get his reply out, but maybe it's because he knows what Mimi thinks; knows that she understands what he's feeling. Her goodbye was special, was loving, and Cas' to Dean was… well, it was mediocre. Not that he can blame himself, he was hoping he would never have to say those words to Dean again, and not five minutes after being safe and feeling at home in the Bunker, Dean turned him away; made him say the words he dreaded saying since he was reunited with Dean.

'"Goodbye, Dean".' He answers before clearing his throat as he feels her eyes on him. 'Not really as special, is it?'

'I don't know… it means the same thing, doesn't it?' Mimi smiles at him and her words bring a warm feeling over Castiel, almost as if a blanket has been laid over him.

There's truth in her words, in her knowledge. Saying "goodbye love" or saying "goodbye Dean" doesn't make a difference, because in the end, it's the exact same thing; they're still saying goodbye to the one person that they  _need_ ; that means so much to them.

'Yeah… I guess it means the same. After all, we're both losing the one thing we wish we never had to let go.'

Mimi shifts, moving until her head is resting against Cas' shoulder and Cas tries not to think on it, because he really hopes Mimi isn't trying to hint something at him. As she said earlier, she has someone and Cas… well, Cas has never had Dean, probably never will, but after tonight; with the revelation, having sex with someone else at this moment in time wouldn't be the most satisfying thing he's ever done.

'It sucks, being the only one to hold on to love. Pouring your heart and soul into someone only to have them throw it back in your face just because you don't meet the stupid impossible standards they set for you to reach. It makes you wonder if they ever wanted to grab on tight and never let go.'

Cas says nothing but Mimi doesn't mind. She said that Cas looked like he needed someone to talk to, but he honestly thinks she just needs someone to listen.

'Sometimes I wonder what I really meant with that "goodbye love". I'm starting to think I wasn't saying goodbye to him, I was saying goodbye to the prospect of love. I'm never going to… not that I'll have the chance, but maybe it's better not to love.' She lets out a scoff. 'Don't love and you can't get hurt.'

'Don't think like that, Mimi.' Castiel says, speaking for the first time in what seems like forever, but he doesn't like the way her thoughts are heading. Not at all. 'Human's are made for love; made to be worshipped. Your Roger will come around, and if he doesn't, he doesn't deserve someone like you; if he's not willing to love you completely, then he doesn't deserve your complete love in return.'

She gives him a warm smile that's once again all teeth and just like before, Cas finds that he can't fight his mirroring smile.

Silence falls over them once again and time passes, both of them caught up in their own thoughts; Cas, despite his wishes not to, finds himself thinking about his time with Dean in the Bunker, even though it was brief, and Mimi finds herself thinking about that night when she knocked on Roger's door and asked him if he had a light for her candle.

It isn't long before the coldness and the long difficult day catches up with them, and Mimi leans into Cas heavily.

'Can you… can you hold me, Castiel? I promise to be gone in the morning, just hold me for now.' She whispers and as soon as her plead is out of her mouth, he wraps his arms around her, pulling her closer to his body and sighing softly when she places her head on his chest and closes her eyes, clutching on to him with all of her might.

He falls asleep only when her tremors stop being so violent and allows himself to succumb into darkness.

And when he wakes up, she's kept her promise; she's gone.

Cas hopes she's went back to fight for Roger and wonders if the twist of fate was meant to mean something. After all, both of them had their loved ones give up on them, maybe their meeting was supposed to tell them something; was it that Cas and Mimi should get together? Or that Cas should go back to Dean and Mimi should go back to Roger?

He shakes his head. No.

The lesson they were supposed to learn was how to say "goodbye love" and mean it. They need to learn to live without the Deans and Rogers of the world because in the end, all Mimi and Cas had was themselves.

So, that's why Cas decides to move on again but before he leaves the bridge and Mimi behind, he turns back to direction he stumbled from when he left the Bunker, and he knows Dean is too far away for him to hear it; probably doesn't care about what Cas is doing anyway, but he doesn't care.

'Goodbye love.'

It's whispered to the cold New York wind and he hopes it carries its way to Kansas and lands on Dean Winchester's ears.

**Author's Note:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites
> 
> Now, I just want to say that the main reason I did this is because whilst I was watching RENT, I thought about how similar Cas and Mimi are. They've both got some kind of problem going on, almost life threatening, when their beloved almost gives up on them and leaves them. And I just found myself thinking "what would happen if they met?" and thus, this was born.


End file.
